Don't Underestimate Charlie Kirk's Widow
While X debates fireworks and her outfit, Erika Kirk is already rewriting conservative politics
I’ve always been curious about Erika Kirk’s perspective.
Her husband, Charlie Kirk, built Turning Point USA into a political powerhouse, tapping into millions of young conservatives, particularly conservative men. Charlie Kirk used red-meat rhetoric, slick production values, and bombastic statements to build a following. He once famously told Taylor Swift to “submit to your husband.”
I wondered “What does his wife think?”
On Sunday, in the shadow of tragedy, I finally got a sense of Erika Kirk. While the internet fixated on superficial things — her white suit, the donation requests, the pyrotechnics — I think discussion misses the real story unfolding.
Turning Point has its first female leader. What does she have to say?
As I’ve written before, the U.S. is in a precarious moment. I’m not sure we’re choosing the right path. It’s way easier, and more destructive, to continue on the path we’re on, sowing division. But I don’t want to follow that path.
Perhaps that’s why I watched Erika Kirk’s speech with such curiosity, and as open-a-mind as I could. I wondered what could emerge from a heinous murder.
And what she said surprised me.
The Real Story Everyone's Missing
Internet chatter usually misses the point, and Charlie Kirk’s memorial service was no exception.
Should there have been a donation request at the memorial? (It was a Turning Point event — I’m not surprised there was a donation ask, and don’t we all make contributions to causes when people we care about die?) Should Erika Kirk have worn white instead of mourning black? (Who cares — I'm tired of policing what women wear.) Were the pyrotechnics appropriate? (As Turning Point’s spokesman put it, “we do not grieve the way the world grieves.” And have you been to any MAGA events more generally? There are a lot of pyrotechnics.)
A bigger question is what would happen to Turning Point without its founder. What happens when Erika Kirk takes the reins of one of the most influential conservative youth organizations in America? Charlie Kirk married an older woman with multiple degrees that he famously lacked (and sometimes mocked), and she's about to inherit significant political influence.
Her comments on Sunday offered some clues about how she will use her platform.
She didn’t dispute what Charlie said about wives submitting to their husbands but seems to have a caveat on it — be a leader worth following. Then she got specific: "Your wife is not your servant. Your wife is not your employee. Your wife is not your slave."
That’s certainly a different way of putting it than Charlie Kirk seemed to.
More striking still: Not two weeks after watching her husband gunned down, Erika Kirk found the courage to say she forgave his killer. (It was also notably different from some of the rhetoric coming from elsewhere in the memorial service, which included talk of vengeance.) Forgiving her husband’s killer took a kind of strength that suggests we're seeing someone far more complex than the grieving widow narrative allows.
A Different Kind of Conservative Leader?
It’s my own interpretation, but I found something quietly feminist in Erika Kirk’s remarks, whether she intended it or not.
For me, machismo has defined Turning Point’s leadership to date. It’s a lot of young male energy, and a leadership team and followers seem to try to model themselves in Charlie Kirk’s image. Brash debating. Dismissive tone. Challenging.
When Erika Kirk spoke, I heard a different perspective and a different tone.
She spoke of women as "guardians and preservers" — language that hints at a more nuanced view of gender roles than the organization's typical fire-breathing rhetoric. In talking about forgiveness, and her speaking in general, she struck different notes than her husband.
A friend from the Obama orbit had called me after Charlie Kirk was murdered. People are going to underestimate her, my friend said of Erika Kirk. She's smart.
That's exactly right.
While everyone's busy critiquing memorial aesthetics, they're ignoring the substance of what just happened. Turning Point USA — with its massive reach among young conservatives — just potentially shifted from a male provocateur who thrived on division, to a woman who talks about forgiveness and redefines submission as conditional on worthiness.
I've often found unexpected common ground with women across the political divide: from Obama administration veterans to Trump loyalists who've found their own voices.
What if Erika Kirk represents something different? Not the typical conservative female figure who merely echoes male talking points, but someone willing to challenge assumptions, even within her own movement?
It’s not entirely clear from her remarks on Sunday, but there was certainly a hint of a tonal shift.
The Underestimation Game
Women in politics get underestimated — until suddenly they don't. They're dismissed as figureheads or grieving widows until they start reshaping entire movements.
We don’t know what path Erika Kirk will chart from here, nor what kind of leader she may become. If Turning Point continues to espouse the types of views that powered its rise I’m certain I will strongly disagree with them.
Erika Kirk’s memorial speech, though, offered glimpses of someone who might surprise though. In a movement often defined by performative machismo, she spoke with a different kind of strength. A feminine strength. In a political moment defined by vengeance, she chose forgiveness.
These are differences that, if our goal is hearing each other better and getting off this divisive cycle we’re on, could help.
Maybe I'm reading too much into one speech. But I've learned not to underestimate smart women who've been underestimated by others.
The political establishment — left and right — would be wise to pay closer attention to what Erika Kirk says next. Something tells me she's just getting started.
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PROGRAMMING NOTE: This Thursday, September 25, I’ll be joining CNN NewsNight with Abby Phillip at 10 PM Eastern / 9 PM Central / 8 PM Mountain / 7 PM Pacific. As always, I welcome you joining and sending feedback.