The Urgency of Being Present

Stepping back doesn't mean you don't care

This Thanksgiving, I found myself doing something I was never able to do during my years on campaigns, six years in the White House and honestly many of the years after: I checked out. Completely, unapologetically checked out from the constant hum of political urgency that has defined so much of my adult life.

In politics and often in business, there’s always an emergency that demands immediate attention. We’re conditioned to believe that stepping away, even briefly, means abandoning our responsibility to change and progress.

It took me a long time to realize that’s just not true. You can step back and that doesn’t mean you don’t care.

This past week, my best friend from Galesburg and I spent the holiday enjoying each other and our families. We went on walks, played games. Only occasionally conversation drifted to the weight of the world’s problems pressing down on us. (I mean, dinner conversation did include a discussion of nuclear war — the odds of it, where you’d be safest if one hit, and the likelihood of survival. It would seem our hometown of Galesburg is safer than most.)

Stepping back clarified something: Sometimes the most urgent thing isn’t the next political battle. It’s realizing we only have so much time with the people we love, and we don’t always know when that time will end.

Precious Time

Early in Thanksgiving week, we had a loss in my husband’s family. A family member, not much older than me, taken too soon by cancer.

Soon after we learned about another tragedy: U.S. Army Specialist Sarah Beckstrom, was shot and killed in Washington D.C. on National Guard duty. She was just 20 years old. The circumstances of her death — she appears to have been killed by an Afghan soldier who had worked with the CIA — reveal layers of heartbreak and the complex aftermath of our foreign engagements.

At its core, though, her murder for me is another reminder of the preciousness of time.

Just 20 years old. I think about Specialist Beckstrom and her family and how much time they thought they had.

The holidays can be stress-filled. They are often a time when checking things off a list seems more important, sometimes, than enjoying the moment. Getting things done before the new year, making sure everything is ready or perfect. But in that we might look back and realize we wish we had been more present in the moment.

For all of those who can, I hope we’ll set aside political distractions best we can as we near the holidays. Those in the White House and Congress should be able to handle their jobs. If they can’t, we should make changes next year and beyond. But constant urgency isn’t sustainable and honestly isn’t healthy. Sometimes it’s simply a waste of time.

Politics Can Wait

It’s less than a year until the midterms. I write in this space about politics almost every week, and I know how important these elections will be.

I’m already seeing leaders stand up, new candidates enter races, the political climate shifting. There are serious issues we need to debate like whether we’re prepared for potential conflict in our hemisphere, how we engage with the world, whether we can grow the economy while lowering consumer prices, how Americans can access affordable housing, healthcare and education. The President today previewed what he said next year will be the greatest economy and I plan to hold him to that.

I’m happy to see Congress stand up as a separate branch and question the White House. I’m happy to see more independence from elected officials whose job it is to represent their constituents, not side with a political party.

Here’s the thing, though. Most of that we can’t control at dinner tables with friends and family. Insults rarely produce allies. Arguments produce fewer converts than you might think. What matters more is building the time and space for genuine connection.

Making Space for Connection

Some ideas for creating that space: We played “Beat the Parents” with the kids over Thanksgiving week, a trivia game that works across ages. The kids were so into it they wanted overtime. You literally had to put stakes on the game. (Our youngest participant was definitely up for doing the laundry, though I’m not sure how that would have gone).

My family watched “The Chair Company,” a show about conspiracy theories and unexpected twists that had us laughing and reminded us that maybe at work, one should focus on work. And when at home, focus on family. We’ve also been watching “Pluribus,” a science fiction show about hive minds, happiness and loneliness that sent us down rabbit holes during car rides listening to follow up podcast discussions.

Our friends driving home listened to “This American Life,” and told us before the drive about an episode where a teacher had a classroom of students shake a box and predict what was in it, only to tell the students they weren’t going to reveal the contents because sometimes in life you won’t know what’s in the box. It’s very true.

December and What Matters

I have a hard time believing we’re already in December.

It’s been a year of political ups and downs, and we’ll soon close it out.

My hope is that post-Thanksgiving, we remember December is a month to appreciate our loved ones and those who make us who we are.

That’s why I’ll be with my grandmother this next week, listening to her stories and enjoying time with my father, who has been caring for her. That’s why I’ll come home to help my husband and son make our annual bread (my grandmother’s tradition) for all of my son’s teachers. And that’s why we’re looking forward to making new memories together this holiday season.

Sometimes the most important political act is simply being present for the people we love.

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*Programming Note: Tomorrow I’m joining Michael Cohen, host of the “Mea Culpa” podcast and a non-resident senior fellow at Tufts University and Brian Rosenwald, Ph.D., author of Talk Radio’s America, for a Substack live about politics. If you are up for it, do tune in. *