Conservatives Have a Point About Liberal Arrogance

Democrats lose elections when they treat politics like an exclusive club

The need to talk to people who disagree with you on politics shouldn’t be an epiphany.

Yet on Sunday, in the pages of The New York Times, former Obama speechwriter David Litt presented this concept as just that: a revelation. 

Litt writes about learning to get along with his conservative brother-in-law through surfing lessons. The column, with the headline “Is it time to stop snubbing your right-wing family?” promoted his new book on political dialogue. 

Litt writes: “Not too long ago I felt a civic duty to be rude to my wife’s younger brother… I was one of President Barack Obama’s speechwriters and had an Ivy League degree; he was a huge Joe Rogan fan and went on to get his electrician’s license.” 

Litt writes how for years he shunned his brother-in-law, and claims it wasn’t until their “pecking order” was reversed and they were in the ocean (I honestly don’t know what pecking order he’s talking about but ok), that he learned his brother-in-law was useful. Duh… Start with: he’s an electrician.

What Litt was trying to do, I think, is demonstrate a new found value in having conversations with people who disagree with him on political issues. The conservative response to his column, though, demonstrates exactly why his approach fails.

Democracy demands respect, not condescension
The response to Litt’s article was swift and predictable. Comments picked apart every condescending phrase (there were plenty to choose from). 

The comment section filled with hundreds of responses echoing a sentiment shared by Jennifer Sey on X: "No thanks, it's not your views we mind as much as the fact that you're arrogant assholes."

I probably wouldn't have read the column if I hadn't seen Sey’s post. I really didn’t like that she cast all liberals as one arrogant blob. I responded: "Maybe that's what they think about you? Just saying. I'm a Democrat who worked in the Obama White House and I'm still close with Trump-supporting family members. It's not that hard. Just don't be an asshole."

If Litt thought he was opening up a dialogue, I’m not sure he found much success. When Democrats approach political dialogue from a position of superiority, even as they’re claiming enlightenment, we hand our opponents a gift-wrapped talking point about liberal elitism. Litt's column — intended to promote bridge-building — instead became a fresh example for conservative grievances about condescending liberals.

Difficult conversations
I was a freshman in college when I came out as a Democrat to my conservative family at Christmas; the entire table turned on me.

When I worked for Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius, a Democrat, most of my family were surprisingly supportive — it was local. When I worked with President Obama, they either thought I was going to get shot or were deeply disappointed in my boss. Family gatherings weren't the homecoming a White House staffer like Litt might expect.

It wasn’t always easy, but we tried to find common ground. We laughed about the party crashers at the White House State Dinner and other ridiculous things that would happen. The key was treating my family — people who shaped me and are far more important to me than political battles — as human beings, not representatives on a political team.

Twirling a dear family member at my wedding

For me, talking with those I disagree with isn't a hobby picked up through surfing — it's been essential to maintaining family relationships. So when the Times publishes a column treating this as a revelation discovered through the power of a surfboard, forgive me if I'm skeptical it will help Democrats win over conservatives, or win elections. It feels like the opposite, actually: Another case where people in my party are arriving late to a common sense idea.

Every perspective matters
One of my favorite people to talk politics with is Abe, a plumber who has done a lot of work at my house. We live on a hill, and it’s given us a lot of plumbing issues over the years. It’s also given me many hours to bond with Abe as we try to solve problems like roots growing into my pipes. 

Over those hours — while I learned to maintain my tankless water heater and even solder pipes — I asked about his business struggles with the SBA, balancing payroll and regulations, and dealing with city inspectors.

We voted for different presidential candidates. But that's not who we are — it's not even part of who we are.

This is what Democrats need to understand: When we approach politics as team sports, we lose. Not just elections, but in life. When we treat people as individuals with legitimate concerns and valuable perspectives, we can find common ground even across political divides.

Reading Litt's account made me sad that he wrote for the same President I got to know through his 2004 “no red state,” “no blue state” speech. A President I knew who still carried the threads of his family’s background in Kansas, wanting to respect, empower, and include. Did I really have colleagues who didn’t hear this part of the speech and acted this way? Evidently. I’m afraid he might not be alone.

The conservative response to Litt's column shows what happens when we get this wrong. Instead of building bridges, condescending outreach becomes opposition research. Instead of expanding our coalition, we reinforce the very stereotypes that cost us elections.

To actually get along with people, it’s not that hard. Just don’t be dismissive. Don’t shun them. Treat people as individuals, not team jerseys. Ask about their lives, their work, their struggles. Eat a meal together. Listen to their stories. Respect their expertise.

These ideas shouldn’t be a revelation, either. Democracy is, and always will be, about recognizing shared challenges and building solutions together.  And it shouldn't take a pandemic and a surfboard to figure that out.